Fucked Up, Naturally Issue #40

Treat your guests like VIPs with this crafty (and sensory-altering) goodie bag

By Cat Morley
Published: June 1st, 2009 | 12:00pm

Pucker Up

These delicious muffins are way too sour to eat, but not if you pop a miracle berry — the West African fruit tricks your tongue into tasting sour as sweet for a couple hours and can be ordered from miraclefruitman.com. The bitter-er the better-er:

Mix together 2 cups of flour, a tablespoon each of salt and baking powder, and the zest of half a lemon and half a lime. Melt ½ cup of butter and beat together with 2 eggs and the juice from a lemon and a lime. Mix wet and dry mixtures until a thick batter forms. Grease or line a muffin pan and fill each cup half full with batter. Bake in a 400˚F oven for 25 minutes. Allow the muffins to cool. Before serving, sprinkle with the remaining lemon and lime zest; douse each muffin in a generous drizzle of tequila; and dust with salt. Makes 12 very sour and bitter muffins.

Work the Wormwood

How many licks does it take to find the Green Fairy? Now that absinthe is finally legal, it’s time to put it to good use with this unique and distinctly adult lollipop:

Place 1 cup of sugar, ½ cup of water, ½ cup of golden syrup, and ¼ cup of cream of tartar in a pan and bring to a boil over medium heat. Stir continuously so that sugar dissolves. When temperature reaches 300˚F, remove from heat. Let cool briefly and add 5 shots absinthe and a few drops of green food coloring. Pour the mixture into ice cube molds, place a popsicle stick inside each lollipop and leave to set.

One deep root

Kava relaxes, calms, and reduces social inhibition — without reducing mental clarity or causing hangovers. The root is traditionally steeped into a Grog-like beverage:

Put 2 teaspoons brown sugar in a bowl and rest a sieve on top. Wrap ½ cup of ground kava root in a cloth and place in the sieve. Pour ¾ cup of boiling water over the kava, drain, and then squeeze the cloth until dry. Stir the mixture until the sugar dissolves, then squeeze in the juice of a lime. Add a cinnamon stick and leave to cool.

Ooooh, shiny!

Once they’ve thoroughly distorted their senses, encourage your guests to sit back and watch the pretty colors. Get psychedelic with this sparkling body shimmer:

Fill a small container ¾ full with aloe vera gel. Add one drop of your favorite essential oil and mix with a toothpick. Add some fine body glitter along with sequins, beads, flowers, and other tiny shiny things.

In the bag

Stash all these goodies in a Japanese furoshiki: Lay a scarf on a flat surface in the shape of a diamond, and place the party favors in the center. Fold down the top corner and slip under the favors, creating a straight edge. Fold up the bottom corner. Take the two side corners and tie into a neat knot.

Cat Morley is the powerhouse behind cutoutandkeep.net, a step-by-step crafty community.