'Hello, Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks, & Other Outlaws' by Kate Bornstein

A fresh look outside standard counseling, this book offers advice in a nonjudgmental form

By Mairead Case
Published: August 24th, 2006 | 3:28pm

When you're young and uncool, life can suck big-time. Older someones will insist that you're actually cooler than everyone else--you just won't realize it until you graduate. Of course, these people are right (and they mean well), but if your sadness is particularly deep, blind faith in a brighter tomorrow isn't exactly going to get you out of bed.

On the other hand, Kate Bornstein's new book, Hello Cruel World, just might do the trick. As a male-to-female transsexual (MTF) and self-professed "gender outlaw," Bornstein understands what many an Older Someone doesn't: when you're really hurting or really alienated, sometimes staying alive is the best you can do. "This is not a book of reasons not to kill yourself," she writes. "No matter how many I could come up with, you'll come up with more reasons to go through with it. This is a book about things to do instead."

In Hello, Cruel World, Bornstein acknowledges two very important things. First, permanent happiness ain't nothing but a pipe-dream. Life is a journey, and so something might excite you one month but repel or bore you the next. (This doesn't mean that you can't consistently identify with Christianity or Dungeons and Dragons, but it does mean that you can't be passive about it.) Second, drugs, sex, and even starvation or mutilation are legitimate alternatives to suicide. (Think about it--if you were originally considering wrist-slitting, a few arm gashes are probably okay.) Still, Bornstein is very, very clear about the legality, safety, and effectiveness of each option, and she includes plenty of "standard" alternatives such as counseling or suicide hotlines.

Hello, Cruel World is broken into two parts. Part One is a trio of essays on the self, bullies, and desire, and Part Two contains the 101 suggestions, plus a brief guide on how to use them in healing, non-destructive ways. Over and over, Bornstein reminds her readers to reflect as they struggle, and that there is no quick or permanent fix. If you've ever coped with mindlessness and repetition, you know just how valuable this advice is.

Borstein wants her readers to cope, as opposed to reject or assimilate. She gives equal value to Jesus, Buddha, and the tarot--not to mention Capote's mean reds or DiMassa's Hothead Paisan--and unlike those cafeteria dork-wads, she won't judge your choice. And surprisingly to those who assume that a radical mindset implies anti-corporate sentiment, Bornstein thanks Starbucks, Apple, and T-Mobile in the preface. Once again, the point is on staying alive, and I know at least one suburban goth who would thank her, coffeecake in hand.

Bornstein's tone is intimate and casual, yet wise. She tells her stories, asks for yours, and manages not to seem needy or drippy. Once or twice, she pushes her personal agenda a bit uncomfortably. While the points made aren't unreasonable ("Bush created paranoia," "Gender is fluid"), they are a bit confusing from someone who is otherwise and completely nonjudgmental. There's a bit of danger there, but since the rest is lifesaving (and of the Wint-o-green, sparks in the dark variety), it doesn't really matter.

Everyone from Kurt Vonnegut to Tegan Quinn has read and loved Hello, Cruel World, and rightfully so. But it doesn't really matter what they think, does it? Read it, dig it, then make sure to leave it where your sister can find it.